4. Okay, But Don’t “Mingle” with the Judges
Oh dear. “I’m single and ready to mingle” is an awful, tired phrase… but altering it to “I’m very single and very ready to mingle” isn’t just cliche, it reeks of desperation. I’m not sure I’m ready for Marvin 2.0!
Ben’s certainly every bit as embarrassing as Marvin, anyway. He introduces himself to the judges as a quadruple threat (model, actor, singer, dancer) and it’s like, please, loser, even Tyra Banks doesn’t pretend she can sing anymore. Tyra asks him to sing and he chants (what I hope is) an improvised song that consists of nothing but the lyrics “big booty.” I guess he couldn’t sing anything they’d have to pay royalties for. Because she’s a ham and easily amused, Tyra loves the tune.
How is Ben using his quadruple talents? Oh, you know, he’s a cater waiter. Not just any cater waiter, an important cater waiter because he once served Tyra Banks at an Oscar party. (Ben must not be all that attractive if Tyra didn’t immediately pull him from the crowd like she did with the ice cream man.) He’s not ashamed to say that he checked Tyra out at said party either.
And that’s when Kelly Cutrone puts him in his place in the most delicious way. I have to admit - having hated Cutrone for the past three cycles, I found myself agreeing with everything Kelly said in the premiere. I think I’m prepared to give her another shot, actually. Let’s see how long the good-will lasts before I’m disgusted with her all over again.
While we’re on the love kick for Cutrone, let’s quote her marvelous words to Ben: “This is not appropriate. Here’s a little tip: you’re like a pipsqueak, okay? Tyra Banks does not want to sleep with you. And trying to take her down by speaking to her like that is not only delusional but it’s highly unprofessional.”
Rather than outright apologizing for his buffoonery, Ben says, “I am a man; I check women out.”
And Cutrone’s like:
"Questionable. You get your eyebrows threaded in Iowa." (!!!!) BOOM! That’s far more explosive and lethal than his corn-fed bicep.
Finally, Ben says he’s sorry, but this won’t be the last time he puts his foot in his mouth. He can’t even try to compliment Kari’s beauty without mangling the syntax so much that it sounds like he’s actually proud of how pretty his own eyes are:
He might find his eyes pleasing, but those eyebrows should be mortifying.
Let’s all practice Kelly’s death glare because I think we’ll be using it on Ben for as long as he sticks around this season:
8 Funniest Moments of ANTM Cycle 21 Episode 1
I loved this moment. Kelly’s glare was hilarious.